Posted in Prose, Stories

Dandy’s bar

ACT 3 SCENE 1

The bar: Cool music is playing at the back ground, Akpan the bar man is attending to guests. On a table are three Customers, Brian, Njoku and Tope discussing.

Brian: Old Boy Nj! How far nah?

Njoku: How far for wetin? You have been asking me how far since you joined us on this table, do I owe you or something?

Tope: (Stutters) may- maybe he- he does not wa- want me to understand wha -what he  wants to tell you! If you- you owe him, you- you better pay o!

Njoku: I do not owe him anything to the best of my knowledge. Or Brian do I owe you?

Brian: You do not owe me but at the same time you owe me!

Tope: Which kain yeye talk be- be that? Abi drink don dey- dey worry you?

Brian: How can? No be only two bottles I don drink?

Tope: Ho-how many bottles have you drunk be-before co-coming here?

Brian: I have not taken any alcohol today till I got here so I am very sane. Nj have you forgotten today is Friday? TGIF nah!

Njoku: Oh! (Laughs) Campus runs abi? Is that what you are coding? Tope is not a stranger nah! No wahala, by ten o’clock we go enter!

Tope: Whe-where una dey enter by-by te-ten o’clock?

Njoku: We dey enter Campus nah! Abi you no go go Club tonight?

Tope: Okay! Na true o! Bu-but I won’t be-be free to-tonight because my-my babe is coming to-to meet me here, any moment from-from now.

Brian: that is the more reason you have to go clubbing tonight, give her a treat men!

Tope: Old Boy! You-you have a point there o! So which Clubs we –we go groove to-tonight?

Njoku: We can start from Casablanca and end at Boomerang! Old boy Boomerang na die!

Brian:  Boomerang is the place to be from two o’clock till four before taking your babe home, It puts you in the right mood! (All comments in agreement. Dandy approaches the table)

Dandy: My Ogas dem! I dey hail o! (He shakes their hands in turn) This one wey una dey here alone tonight, una no bring madam dem come?

Brian: No no Dandy! Or have you forgotten today is Friday? Its Ladies night nah! Not Wives night(General Laughter)

Tope: On-on Fridays we-we normally work ve-very late at the o-office so we don-don’t go home till Saturday morning! You-you know nah! (General laughter as Akpan comes to evacuate the empty bottles) Bar-bar man, bring another ro-round of beer!

Njoku: Dandy how far with “Point and kill”?(Live cat Fish) please arrange two for us

Dandy: How do you want it? As pepper soup or barbecue?

Tope: For-for me I prefer pepe-pepe-(Pepper!! soup others quip) yes pepper soup!

Dandy: It’s alright! (Addresses Akpan) oya! Go and bring their drinks and tell Solomon to get the fish ready!

Tope: Please pu-put enough pe-pe-(Pepper! Others quip) yes pepper! You know I am a yo-yoruba man !

Brian: Yoruba people! Ndi ofe ose, ndi ofe mmanu!( Those that eat plenty of peppery and oily soup)

Tope: What of you Igbos? Aje okuta ma mu omi (Those that eat stone without drinking water)

Njoku: I wonder why you  people say we eat stone, it does not click!

Dandy: I think I can explain that! You see, the Igbo’s like their local food like Garri, Fufu, pounded yam to be a little hard so that they can mould it well before swallowing, But the yoruba’s prefers theirs to be soft like the Amala, ilafun, semo and co! It’s just a matter of cultural preference

Tope: But how can somebody prepare pou-pounded yam and add Garri to it again ju-just to make it strong! Is it not su- suicidal! (General laughter)

Brian: And how many of us have you heard died in the process? Yeye man I beg where is the beer nah?

Dandy: Okay let me leave you Guys now and attend to your request! Ehen Mr. Tope! Any take away for madam?

Tope: No o! Not tonight, ha-have you forgotten I am supposed to-to be at work?

Brian and Njoku: (both chorus) how can you forget nah!

Dandy: (laughing as he retreats) Oh sorry! Sorry! I almost forgot!

A young svelte walks into the bar, she looks around  obviously looking for someone, all eyes turns towards her as Tope beckons at her, she smiles and cat-walks towards them. Tope stands up and offers her a seat

Tope: Sweet heart, how are you? P-Please meet my friends ,Brian and Njoku! We-We are also Co-colleagues at work. Guys me-meet Ezinne my heart throb!

Ezinne: Good evening sir (she bows slightly as she greets displaying perfectly set sparkling teeth coupled with a dimple)

Njoku: (offers a hand shake and holds onto the hand) Nne! You are welcome to our Table, I am Njoku Kunu from Ohafia in Abia state! Jeez! You are too beautiful! What are you doing with this ngbati ngbati man? (Ezinne smiles shyly)

Brian: Nj leave her hand alone nah ,wont she greet me too? (Snatches Ezinne’s hand from Njoku’s grip) my dear, my name is Brian nedu from Udi in Enugu state (Njoku interrupts)

Njoku: He is a waawa man! Please don’t let him hold your hand for too long (General laughter)

Brian: Don’t mind this bush man! Please do you have a sister or friend that looks like you? I would very much like to meet her, where are you from and where do you school? (Releases her hand)

Ezinne: I am from Owerri in Imo state and I am a four hundred level student of accounting at uniport.

Brian: well that is not actually what I meant when I asked where you are from! I meant which world! Our world or the mermaid world (Ezinne burst out laughing) you are beautiful I must confess! But what do you see in this stutterer? This ugly Yoruba man! (General laughter)

Tope: Stupid waawa man! You fine pass me?

(Akpan approaches with a tray of assorted drinks, sets it on the table and opens for each person)

Akpan: Aunty! Please what do I bring for you?

Tope: B- Bring her a small bottle of Heineken!

Njoku: Ahn ahn! Can’t she make her choice? Why do you have to choose for her?

Brian: Nj wetin be your problem? Na your Babe?

Tope: No mind am! He just dey show himself!

Ezinne; yes small Heineken please.

Brian: oho! You see yourself now? Yeye Ohafia man!

Njoku: Sharrap your mouth! waawa man.

Tope: (Addresses Ezinne) see how your brothers are f-fooling themselves because of you! And they-they are ma-married men o!

Brian and Njoku (Chorus with mouth agape) ha! Tope!

Tope: What? B-Because I told her you guys are –are married? Of course she-she knows I am a married man so-so my friends being married will not sur-surprise her.

Ezinne: (laughing as Brian and Njoku stares at her with guilt) but you guy did not tell me that you are not married either! So no big deal! You don’t have to feel bad. I understand.

Njoku: Nne thank you for understanding! Chai! Yoruba’s are always saboteurs! They can never change.

(General laughter till lights fade)

 

 

Posted in Prose, Stories

THE COCOON

By Awoleye A.Dominic

Four teenagers, Odiri, Kikelomo, Danjuma and Adaeze are childhood friends, all children of Soldiers living together in the Army Barracks at Abakaliki in Ebonyi state, south east Nigeria.

They all attend the Army day secondary school meant for Soldiers Children and their wards. The school is tuition free for soldiers while Civilian Children that attend the school pay school fees.

Their parents are non commissioned officers so they struggle to make ends meet.

Odiri thirteen years old is the sixth Son of Copral Onorode Johnson, an urhobo man from the Niger delta region of Nigeria. Odiri has two younger brothers making a total of eight sons in the family. The mother is still hoping she begets a female child. She augments the family income by selling smoked fish at the front of their block. Corporal Johnson is a diehard pool player who has vowed to win back all his loses to the promoters of pool someday. Odiri’s ambition is to become a soldier as soon as he finishes his secondary education. His first two brothers are in the Army already.

Kikelomo Ajose is the first daughter of sergent  Bamidele Ajose, a military medical personnel from the south western part of the country. She has four younger ones; the last born Segun is the only son of the family. Kikelomo is thirteen and in JSS 2. Her father had told her that she would become a seamstress after her secondary education because he cannot afford to see her through to the University. The mother operates a grinding machine business in a stall built behind their block, The Shed is built with Zinc roofing sheets and ply wood, she wakes up very early daily to grind beans and pepper for the women that sells Akara for early morning breakfast.

Danjuma Dogaro is from northern Nigeria, southern Kaduna to be precise. His father is a private Soldier. He is fourteen years old. His mother is based in Kaduna farming and fending for his siblings. She had to remain in Kaduna when the Husband was transferred to Abakaliki so that she could live long. Private Musa Dogaro has been in the Army for sixteen years and has remained a private Soldier. He had been promoted three times and also has been demoted three times. All the demotions have been as a result of drunkenness. He becomes violent when drunk and he beats anyone around him. Danjuma wants to be a footballer; his father says he must be a Soldier. He is to try the Army recruit enlistment next year after his JSS 3 examination.

Adaeze Nwokolo is from the south eastern part of Nigeria, She is the first daughter of corpral Arinze Nwokolo of the Military Police. She has two younger brothers. She is twelve years old and in JSS2. The mother is a full time house wife who does nothing but to gossip from house to house. She is the unofficial minister for information in the barracks. Her elder sister is married to a Lawyer in Abuja and so she had put it to Adaeze that she must become a Lawyer. Corporal Nwokolo also wants his daughter to become a Lawyer. His focus is on his job and the bribe he collects as a military police officer, he is always in uniform in and out of the barracks looking for cases to settle. He is saving up money to train his daughter to the University to become a Lawyer. Adaeze got exposed to money early by stealing from her father.

The four teenagers boxed into a cocoon by virtue of being born to Soldiers are constrained to think and aspire within the limits imposed on them by their environment. Their Parents are poor and proud because of the power of the Army uniform. The Army provides their basic needs free. Free accommodation, free light, free medicals facilities, free water supply and tuition free from primary to secondary school. They live a life of contentment and forget to plan for their children’s future. To them life begins and ends in the Barracks because upon retirement from the Army, they are paid pension until their death.

These Kids must carve a niche for themselves and make a success out of life. But it has to be outside the barracks! They have to look outside the box if they must escape the life of self imposed servitude. But how will they defy their Proud Parents? Where are the opportunities? In a barrack’s life full of envy, sabotage, war, drunkenness, social vices, any child that wants to make a difference is brought down by jealous soldier’s wives and their husbands. Nobody wants the other man’s child to be better than his.

Posted in Prose, Stories

My Country our honour

To Maiduguri we were drafted
Sixty six of us with shaven heads
After six gruesome months in Zaria
We were caged in the land of no return
It was there we went through metamorphosis

In six 911 Mercedes military Trucks
We were sent to six different Battalions
To defend the six Geopolitical regions
And prevent us from splitting into six pieces
Our job was to keep the peace

I went to hell and I survived
I see, I saw and I conquered
For not all that went to the hell I went
That returned to tell the story
Of how we were dehumanized to attain glory

I was trained to maim and annihilate
With the bare hands I could strangulate
To endure the pain with eyes on the gain
All for the honour and glory of my mother land
Nigeria we hail thee, our home and mother land

As I clutched my Riffle beneath my chin
Waiting to kill or to be killed in the jungle
Flashes of home blurs my vision
My mother awaits my return from the Depot
My siblings await to see their hero

My Casandra who expects to see me every tomorrow
And my friends who wait albeit in sorrow
My inherited lands for too long have fallowed
Loved ones pray and fast and God they hallowed
That someday they will see me home when peace will follow

But today I am far away from home
Far from the love and care of my own
In the forest of Sambisa we have made home
Our quest is to make Nigeria a home

Ratata! Ratata! Infantry Guns barking
Kabum! Kabum! The sound of the Artillery
Flying shrapnel, writhing bodies, smoking nozzles
Screaming Soldiers, screaming Rebels, the race for life!
Alah Akba! Sweet Jesus! We called before we died

A man who believed in a cause
A cause sworn to uphold
To lay his life for his father land
And he turned his back against all he hold dear
For a Soldier is duty bound to serve his country

So I as lay wrapped up in bandages
My legs gone from the exploded mines
I remember my Colleagues
I see their faces as they screamed
I see as they ran and fell to the Enemy

I see as enemies tie them up and slit their throats
Blood and water oozing as life takes leave of them
I see them being charred like goats
And the tears poured down my eyes
And I weep for my fallen Compatriots

Family and friends we will see no more
Dreams and aspirations were cut short
Because we swore to serve and defend
When will this madness stop?
How can this house stand?
When siblings lift up arms against each other!

Posted in Prose, Stories

Fading values

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂
CHILDREN OF TODAY DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT IN OUR DAYS YOU COULD BE BEATEN FOR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

  1. Crying too long after being beaten
  2. Not crying after being beaten
  3. Crying without being beaten
  4. Standing where elders are sitting
  5. Sitting while elders are standing
  6. Walking around aimlessly where elders are seated
  7. Eating food prepared for visitors
  8. Refusing to eat
  9. Coming back home after sunset
  10. Eating at the neighbour’s home
  11. Generally being too moody
  12. Generally being too excited
  13. Losing a fight with older age mate
  14. Winning a fight with your age mate
  15. Eating too slowly
  16. Eating too quickly
  17. Eating too much
  18. Not finishing your food
  19. Finishing your food and Scraping your plate
  20. Eating and talking
  21. Sleeping while the elders in the house has already woken up
  22. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
  23. Stumbling and falling when walking
  24. Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball
  25. When an elder talking to you and you blink
  26. When an elder is talking to you and you stare and not blink
  27. When you look at an elder through the corner of your eye
  28. When your mates are playing street football and you join them
  29. When your mates are playing and you don’t join them
  30. When you don’t wash your dish after eating
  31. When you wash your dish improperly
  32. When you almost break your dish
  33. When you break your dish
  34. When you bite your nails.
    34.. When you don’t bathe
  35. When you bathe too quickly
  36. When you take too long to bathe
  37. When you’re beaten in school for misbehaving
  38. When a car almost knocks you down
  39. When a car knocks you down and you don’t die!
  40. For not answering when spoken to
  41. For answering back when spoken to.

Some of these reasons for beating a child may appear far-fetched today but they sure did happen and they were the norm that shaped the adults of today.

Kudos to African parents. We, the generation you almost killed with beating say ….
THANK YOU
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Dear educators, please arise and help this generation, they need us to guide them, start from your own end fast, things are gradually degenerating.
Our culture must not die!!!
Note: Only the good culture should not die, those that tend towards child abuse should totally be discarded. My thoughts …🤔

Posted in Prose, Stories

Brain teaser

One of the basics of mathematics is knowing whether the number is even or odd, divisible by 2 and by the sum of its numbers .. But look at this strange number ..!
The number {{2520}} looks like a normal number like other numbers, but it is not like that. It is a strange number and is rarely found between numbers and has puzzled mathematics geniuses to this day .. !!
The strange thing is that it is divisible by numbers from 1 to 10, whether these numbers are odd or even !!
It is known that it is difficult or even impossible to find a number that does that !!
And when we say the division is accepted, we mean without any fractions remaining after the division process … !!

  • Follow the practical application:

2520 ÷ 1 = 2520
2520 ÷ 2 = 1260
2520 ÷ 3 = 840
2520 ÷ 4 = 630
2520 ÷ 5 = 504
2520 ÷ 6 = 420
2520 ÷ 7 = 360
2520 ÷ 8 = 315
2520 ÷ 9 = 280
2520 ÷ 10 = 252

And after mathematicians were confused about finding a convincing mathematical relationship that would make one number divisible in this strange way, they also discovered that this number is the product of the numbers: 《7 x 30 x 12》 that may appear at first glance to be random numbers, but it is not !!
So the surprise that made them more confused than their first was that this number is a product of 7 days of the week x 30 days of the month x 12 months of the year (7 x 30 x12).


Glory be to God Almighty.

Posted in Prose, Stories

ASUNDER!

ACT 1


SCENE 2
(Enters Mrs. Tombra Ogiri and their Kids. Joshua is twelve and Daniella is seven. The Kids are still dressed in their School Uniforms, they rush to greet their daddy but sees him sleeping thy run into their room to change their clothes, Tombra comes around and looks her sleeping husband over, she picks up the empty glass cup and smells it, she picks up the Clothes Ogiri had dropped carelessly on the Chairs then she sees the folded envelope on the centre table, she picks it up and reads the retrenchment letter of her husband: Ogiri turns over on the couch, utters some incoherent words, he hisses a long one and continues to snore )


Tombra: (Murmurs) Jesus! Jesus Christ! (She drops the letter and runs into the room tilting over a side stool, Ogiri jumps awake abruptly)
Ogiri: Who goes there! (Wide eyed) I say who goes there! (He stands up and looks around the sitting room; he notices the movement of the adjoining Curtain to the bedroom, he moves carefully towards the bedroom and shouts) I say who goes there! (The Kids now in different clothes rush out to greet him, hugging – 8 –
him, he was taken aback) oh dear me! It’s you Guys! Who brought you home?
Joshua: its Mummy sir!
Ogiri: Your Mum came home this early? What for?
Daniella: Today is Thursday nah! Mummy will go to Church for fellowship
Ogiri: Oh! Oh! I forgot!
Joshua: But Daddy, why are you home so early? Are you going to Church too?
Ogiri: em, em, no! Not really, something happened at work and we closed early
Daniella: What happened at work Daddy?
Ogiri: em, em, we are on recess for now! We have finished the project we were handling at Elekahia and we do not have any other one at hand so I won’t be going to work for sometime until we get another Contract. Where is your Mum? Is she inside?
Daniella: yes daddy! She is inside! (The Kids leave their Dad and proceeds to the dinning table with their books to start working on their home works) Daddy! Come and help me out with my home work.


Ogiri: I am coming my dear! Give it to Josh to help you out; if he cannot do it, then I will do it!
Joshua: Daddy what about if you cannot do it! (Sneering)
Ogiri: Then we will consult the internet! (He enters the room only to re emerge trailing his wife) sweet heart I was coming to meet you in the room, the Kids say you are preparing for Church!
Tombra: yes I was!
Ogiri: You were? You changed your mind?
Tombra: Yes!
Ogiri: Wetin happen? Why the change of mind? Did you just change your mind on your way home? (Picks up the letter his wife dropped on the floor) or you changed you mind when you got home and read this letter?
Tombra: Daddy Joshua what is it nah? Haba!
Ogiri: Ahn han! Why are you so agitated? Did something happen to you too?
Tombra: (Snaps her fingers over her head) Tufiakwa! God forbid! Nothing will happen to me in Jesus name!
Ogiri: (Nods his head knowingly, he hands over the letter to her) Sweet heart, please read this!


Tombra: Read what? Will my reading it change its content? Please don’t give me any bad news letter to read o!
Ogiri: Which means you have read it already while i was sleeping, that is why you are acting this way and that is why you are no longer going to the Church, but you did not even show any sign of concern towards me! You did not even ask me what happened! You are supposed to me my pacifier instead you are being hostile and aggressive! What kind of attitude are you giving me so?
Tombra: You lost your job and instead of going about to look for another job you came home to drink, sleep and snore!
Ogiri: How? Is it not today that I lost the Job? Did I see it coming? No! Won’t I come home first and think of the next step to take? I have been working consistently for fourteen years non stop! I don’t even know where my credentials are any longer except I begin to search, I don’t have an updated CV! All these I have to come home and arrange before going out to look for another job!
Tombra: You did not come home to think! You came home to drink! (Points to the empty glass cup on the centre table. The Children leaves the sitting room with their books slowly)
Ogiri: see how you are disgracing me before my Children? Tombra what is wrong with you? You are getting me scared! You have never talked to me like this in our twelve years of marriage!


Tombra: you have never been jobless in our twelve years of marriage!
Ogiri: But you swore to stand by me for better for worse! Just my first day out of job and you are acting up this way! Darling, I hope you will not make me regret this marriage because as it stands now I need your support more than ever! I see no reason for this attitude you are putting up after all we are not yet desperate! Your Shop can sustain us until I get something to do or until they call us back to work!
Tombra: (Furious) Did You hear your self now? You hear yourself?
Ogiri: What did I say wrong?
Tombra: So you are going to wait until they call you back? And when will that be?
Ogiri: Hopefully, after the elections!
Tombra: (Claps her hands laughing sarcastically) ha ha ha! You make me laugh! That is four months from now! And what will you be doing until then? Drinking and sleeping?
Ogiri: I cannot be hungry till then, I have some savings that can carry us for the next six month.
Tombra: Including payment of the Children’s School fees when it falls due?


Ogiri: Can’t you take care of the fees for me? Your shop can take care of that nah! After all I have never asked you to give account of your shop income to me! I gave you free hand right from its inception. But now, I need your assistance.
Tombra: Bros I can’t o! I can’t at all, at all! I have other concerns I need money for!
Ogiri: (Angry) other concerns? For where? In this house of else where? Are you okay? Look here woman! It is for better for worse o! When it was rosy you were there to enjoy good life! Just today, today! That I lost my job you are already showing me attitude! You could not even persevere for a month of two before you start to complain. Just one day! One day! Tombra, you fall my hand!
Tombra: was it not you that said you want to wait until eternity before you start looking for another job? How did you expect me to react? You are scaring me with your nonchalant attitude!
Ogiri: Oh! Me! Nonchalant attitude? A whole me? I have maintained a steady job for fourteen years with a nonchalant attitude! I built this house from my savings with a nonchalant attitude! I bought you two Cars and set you up in business with my nonchalant attitude abi? Kai! Kai! Kai! My Gawd! Now I understand why it is not good to marry a girl you met when you have arrived! They will never know how to manage you when you go down because they are used to having everything at their disposal.


  • Tombra! You are a gold digger! I made a mistake in marrying you! I think I will have to convene a family meeting so that we can revisit this charade you and I called marriage!
    Tombra: (Clapping and booing) nonchalant man! Lazy man! Go and get a job! You want to turn me into a man over night! What is mine is mine! You will not see a kobo from my shop! You gave me money for business, and so what? Am I not your wife? Is it not your responsibility to make me comfortable? So why are you bragging as if you have done what Napoleon could not do? Go to Town and see what Men like you are doing for their wives! Common three million naira that you invested in my Shop we no go hear word again! (The Children emerges from the room standing side by side they stare at their Parents ranting till fade)