ACT I: SCENE 1
Starts with a typical wedding setting; the Priest, Bride, Best man and Bridesmaids and a few family members. It is a moderate wedding setting. The vow is exchanged.
Priest: Do you Charles Ojo, take Doris Bamidele as your lawful wedded wife? To have and to cherish, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for riches and for poorer till death do you part?
Charles: I do
Priest: Do you Doris Bamidele, take Charles Ojo as your lawful wedded husband? To have and to cherish, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for riches and for poorer till death do you part?
Doris: I do
Priest: I hereby pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the Bride.
(New Couple exchange kisses)
Priest: (Announces) I present to you, the latest Couple in town! Mr. and Mrs. Charles Ojo!!
(Applause and Cat cries from the congregation. Everyone move to the reception arena. The Party is on , dancing, drinking and merriment; couple dancing to music and people spraying money on them. Gifts items are being handed to the bestman and bride’s maid. Merriment continues till night.)
ACT 1: SCENE 2
(It is night; the couple retires to bed after having their bath. Husband sleeps with mouth wide open snoring aloud. Wife keeps mumbling incoherently. Husband turns back and forth, wakes and sits up; he wipes his mouth with the back of his palm, stares at the wife with surprise. Taps her awake gently.)
Charles: Sweet heart, please wake up (she mutters more incoherent words. He is baffled. He taps her more dense) sweet heart wake up!
(Doris wakes abruptly and fierce, she grabs her husband for protection)
Doris: Thief! Thief!! Where are they? (Visibly terrified)
Charles: Honey, take it easy, there is no cause for alarm. Please, there is no thief anywhere.
Doris: No thieves? Then, why did you hit me like that? (Rubbing her side)
Charles: I did not hit you sweet heart; I merely tapped you to wake up because you were talking in your dreams.
Doris: Ooh! Is that why you woke me? That is how I sleep o!
Charles: Do you mean you talk in your sleep? How am I supposed to sleep with you talking into my head?
Doris: You are talking, what about you that snore like a Hippo?
Charles: Who snores?
Doris: You of course! Oh! Don’t you know you snore? (Hisses) Your noise shake the whole building like there is going to be an earth quake!
Charles: (Laughing) common get out, it’s a lie, and how can my snore shake the building? Am I King Kong?
Doris: Before nko? (Laughing too)
Charles: It is alright, I agree I snore sometimes but to snore is better than your chanting incantations.
Doris: Who de chant incantation? Me? You are not serious o! Please lets’ go back to sleep joor! I am tired.
(Couple cuddles each other, pulls the duvet over as light fades)
ACT 1: SCENE 3
(Doris, in a night gown walks to and fro the kitchen and dining table setting breakfast. Husband appears, in office clothes, he is carrying a suitcase.)
Charles: Honey, how are you?
Doris: (Approaches for a hug and kiss) Fine sweetheart, hope you slept well?
Charles: I tried to.
Doris: What do you mean, you tried to?
Charles: You know nah (Begins to mumble words with eyes closed as if asleep)
Doris: Oh that? Well I couldn’t sleep at all because the building was vibrating from its foundation. (Mimics snoring husband)
Charles: Shut up joor! Please, serve my food, lest, I am late for work.
Doris: In a jiffy! (Dashes off and returns with the meal in a tray. Bread and tea. Places the tray on the dining table while Charles sits to eat)
Charles: Thanks Sweetheart. (Mutters a quick prayer and begins to gnaw at the bread while Doris sits close to watch. Charles takes a piece of bread and dips into the steaming hot cup of tea)
Doris: My Gawd! Charles! What are you doing?
Charles: (startles) what? What is it?
Doris: How could you be dipping bread into your cup of tea? You should know it is not proper.
Charles: (Relaxes, heaves a sigh of relief) Oh that? You scared me you know. Ehen? Am I not inside my house? I can eat any how I like here!
Doris: No Sir! It is against table manners, you could forgetfully do same in public someday. What happens to “Charity begins at home?”
Charles: How can I…? (Stands up from the meal, goes for his briefcase) Oh! I am sorry, it won’t happen again.
Doris: (surprised, stands up) Honey! You are not eating again? Is it because of what I said?
Charles: I think I have lost my appetite! I am okay!
Doris: Hold on Honey! Please hold on!!
Doris: Honey, please I am sorry, I never meant to upset you. Please, come and finish your food. (She holds his free hand and pulls him back to the dining table; he obliges reluctantly, sits and begins to pick at his food…till light fades)
ACT II: SCENE 1
Office setting: an open office containing six desks. Every staff is busy, computer key boards clicking, movements and discussion among colleagues etc. Charles peeps through the slightly opened- door; some one notices him and shouts “Here comes the groom!” Charles hurriedly closes the door and backs off. His colleagues chase after him and pulls him back into the office amidst laughter and compliments.
Charles: Thank you, thanks to you Guys! Thank you for all your support (Approaches all of them with a bear hug. Reaches out to Clara, pauses, pulls her closer and gives her a bear hug too. Someone clears his throat)
Charles: Na you sabi o! Yusuf, can’t a brother hug a sister again?
Yusuf: You can of course! But not so close because anything can happen.
Clara: Yusuf na you sabi o! Nothing dey happen I beg.
(They all scamper to their seats as their boss Mr. Ayo walks in)
Mr. Ayo: (Looking tough as usual) what’s this pandemonium all about? (Sights Charles) oh! I see! Oko iyawo is back.
Charles: (Stands up abruptly) Yes sir! Good morning sir and I thank you for your entire support sir. I really appreciate sir!
Mr. Ayo: Tah! (Waves it aside), and how was your honey moon? Hope you don score goal o?
(General laughter in the office)
Charles: Oga, I don’t know o! But time shall tell.
Mr. Ayo: Well, we shall soon know, abi no be so?
(All Chorus, Na sooooo! as Mr. Ayo exits the Office)
Yusuf: So, old Boy, how is married life so far?
Clara: Can’t you see how fat his cheeks are? Just two weeks into marriage o! Even his tummy is bulging already.
Charles: Na lie, I beg! Which tummy dey bulge?
Yusuf: It’s true o! You don de comot belle o!
Charles: (Addressing another Colleague) Patrick na true? I don de comot belle?
Patrick: Don’t mind them jare, you are okay. You are just refreshed, that’s all, (phone rings) whose phone is ringing?
Charles: Oh its mine! (Picks up his phone, stares at the screen and smiles)
Patrick: (Clears his throat) Na wa o! Love wantintin! I go vex go marry o!
Charles: (Motioning colleagues to be quiet) Hello sweetheart? (General laughter in the office, some cover their mouths to suppress laughter. The door opens; they all look towards the door as Mr. Ayo re-appears. They all feign seriousness as the day’s job begins)