ACT II:  SCENE 2

Charles returns home, the wife is watching the television and switching stations. Doorbell rings. She jumps up and rushes to the door, husband is at the door.

Charles: (evidently fatigued) Hi!

Doris: (Hugs husband) Sweet heart welcome! You look so tired.

(He pulls off his suit while she helps him undress. He sits down and unlaces his shoes. She collects the shoes, lifts up the suitcase and takes it to the bedroom. Charles stretches on the couch yawning. She comes out and begins to set the table for food)

Doris: Honey, I prepared your favourite dish, hope you will enjoy it?

Charles: And what could that be?

Doris: Guess!

Charles: But I have no favourite meal, any good meal is okay by me.

Doris:  That’s not true, remember, you once told me that your favourite meal was garri, salt and palm-kernel combo! (Laughing)

Charles: Joins the laughter as he meets Doris at the dining table) No, no! That was in the Boarding House those days! Then, one could give an eye for a cup of garri. (Sits down, opens the plate and smiles at the meal) Wow! Yum yum yum! Smells so good!

Doris: Yes Darling, specially prepared for you with the best Kobnomi in town.

Charles: Kobno what?

Doris: Kobnomi! A love portion specially imported from Uyo!

Charles: No wahala, as long as it is a love portion please, make it a point of duty to always put it in my meals. (They begin to eat together till fade)

ACT II: SCENE 3

Husband and Wife in the sitting room watching TV. Doris’s head is on Charles’s thigh as she lay on the couch. Phone rings, Doris jumps up and rushes to pick her phone.

Doris: Its’ my Mum! (She exclaims) Hello Mummy, Mummy it is not fair o! You just abandoned me all these days, no calls, text messages, not even a flash! Haba mummy! Is this how it is supposed to be? You just sold your Daughter and abandoned her… (Nods) Ehen? Sure? Hmmm mummy, okay I forgive you. How are Daddy, Emmanuel and Jane? Jane has gone back to School? Okay ma, yes ma! He is here; do you want to speak with him? (Gives phone to Charles) mummy!

Charles: (Collects phone) Mummy good day ma! Fine ma, yes ma, mummy this one that you remembered us today, (Laughs) okay ma, no wahala ma, all is well. My people are fine; they call from time to time. (Doris is restless as she beckons at Charles to give her the Phone) thank you ma. Please, hold on for Doris (Hands Phone to Doris)

Doris: Mummy, I am missing you guys so much. Will you be home tomorrow? Okay, we shall come and visit you tomorrow around 2 PM. Yes ma, after Church service. Okay ma! Please, prepare for us o! And make my favourite dish o! Alright ma! See you tomorrow. Love you too mum. (She prances about in excitement while Charles stares at her in bewilderment). Oh Honey! I can’t wait to see my folks tomorrow! Oh I can’t wait, I can’t wait (Excitement) Honey, you are not saying anything, are you okay? (Beaming with smiles as she embraces her husband)

Charles:  Doris did you forget or are you simply pretending? (Pushes off her hands and stands up)

Doris: Honey, what is it that I forgot? And why would I be pretending? (Notices the change on his looks) stop staring at me in this hostile manner! What’s up?

Charles: After church service tomorrow, my uncle and his wife would be visiting! How could you forget that? We have been discussing this since last week! Why did I give you money to go shopping yesterday?  Was it not in anticipation of their visit?

Doris: (She puts her hands on her head and exclaims) Oh my God I forgot! How could I? Honey, I am so sorry, please I forgot. Can you call them to reschedule for next week please?

Charles: No way! They wanted to visit last Sunday, we postponed it to tomorrow and you want me to call them now and tell them to postpone it again? How convenient it is for you to say that! How do you want them to feel? This is my uncle we are talking about, since my Father’s death; he’s been like a father to me. Do you want him to feel that I am avoiding him? No way ma! We would rather call your mum and postpone our visit!

Doris: So your uncle is more important than my parents? Is that so Charles? (Very angry)

Charles:  (Opens his mouth agape) what did you just say?

Doris: Yes of course! Your uncle’s visit is priority over our visiting my parents!

Charles: How on earth could you think like that? You just concluded on your own, without even consulting me, to visit your family tomorrow. You did not even seek my opinion to know what my program was like. Meanwhile, we have been discussing my uncle’s visit for a whole week and you dare say I value my uncle’s visit more? Who is being biased here? You or me?

Doris: (Sobbing) All I know is that I miss my family, I want to visit home. I want to go home and we must go together tomorrow!

Charles: Sorry ma! You will not have your way on this one and please stop being unreasonable. Call your mother and reschedule for next week end.

Doris: Over my dead body! (Stubbornly) I would rather die than not to see my parents tomorrow with or without you!

Charles: And who will attend to my folks when they arrive?

Doris: I don’t know! (Walks angrily out of the room)

Charles: I am talking to you Doris! Come back here! (Stands akimbo, totally surprised and humiliated) What is this? Is this Doris or someone else in her body?  Ha! I don’t understand o! (Walks angrily after her)

FADE

 

 

ACT II:  SCENE 4

EXTERIOR: Couple drives into their compound from church; they alight from the car and enter the house. Charles slumps into the couch, drops his Bible on the center table. Doris goes straight into the bedroom and comes out with her hand bag, ready to go out.

Doris: Honey, I am ready to go if you are not. (Agitated)

Charles: Ready for what? Are you going somewhere or something?

Doris: Please, cut it out! (She snaps) Don’t tell me you have forgotten that we have to go and see my parents?

Charles: (Visibly angry) Now listen woman! I never ever imagined you could be this obstinate! I thought we had settled this… (Doris interrupts)

Doris: Settled what! (Yells) that you want to imprison me in the name of marriage? That I can’t go and see my parents because I married you? What’s all this nonsense anyway? Please, if you will excuse me (walks out of the house) I will take a public transport and find my way. I am off!

Charles: Woman! If you walk out of that door! (Doris interrupts)

Doris: I am off already Mr. Landlord! (Bangs the door after her)

Charles: Doris! Doris! Doris! Come back here! (Opens the door and follows her)

Charles returns into the Sitting room, furious and agitated, he paces to and fro, sits down, gets up totally confused and disenchanted.

ACT II: SCENE 5

Sitting room: Charles is setting the dining table, obviously expecting visitors. The doorbell rings, he goes to open the door. His uncle and the wife enter.

Charles: (Prostrating) Uncle, you are welcome sir. Mummy, welcome ma, we have been expecting you all day.

Uncle: (Opens arms for embrace, patting Charles on the back) Charley boy! How are you? Congratulations once again, may God bless your marriage, may you not struggle to feed your family (Prayer continues as Charles answers amen intermittently) where is Doris my wife? Isn’t she at home?

Wife: Ehn! Iyawo wa nko?

Charles: (Motioning to the table) Please, come to the dining, we have been expecting you since after service.

(They all move and sat around the dining table)

Uncle:  Charles, where is my Wife or did she not hear our voice?

Wife: Maybe, she is dressing up abi? Please, call her to come and dish the food here o! I am famished. I have been fasting all day because I planned to break the fast here.

Charles: (stuttering) Ehm,ehm, Uncle em you know, you see when we came back from church, Doris prepared all these (Gesturing at the table)  in anticipation of your visit, but about forty minutes ago , her father called and told her that her mother was seriously ill and has been rushed to the hospital. In fact… (Interruption)

Wife: (Panicky) What? Hospital? Kilode? Kilonsele? This is serious o! Come on what are you still doing here? Which hospital? Daddy oya! Oya! Let us go there immediately!

Uncle: (Unusual calmness) Boy! What could be wrong with your mother in-law? (Staring deep into Charles’s eyes)

Charles: (More confused) No no! Uncle, em mummy, please, be calm and sit down, everything is under control. In fact, Doris has called to say all is well that I should not bother coming. She is with her mum already, she said that her mum was reacting to something she ate or so, but all is well. Please, relax. (All sits)

Uncle: But why did you not go with your wife in the first place? She doesn’t own a car, so you could have driven her there. With such news, it is totally wrong of you to have let her leave the house alone!

Wife: Yes my dear, next time please, don’t leave her alone in such a situation. I guess you did not follow because you were expecting us abi?

Charles: Yes ma! Yes uncle! You know, I was actually confused but all is well now. Your food please! Later we can talk, there is a lot of ground to cover, and Mummy, how are my Cousins? Lolu and Ibidun. (Charles begins to dish the food as chatting continues)

FADE

ACT I: SCENE 1

Starts with a typical wedding setting; the Priest, Bride, Best man and Bridesmaids and a few family members. It is a moderate wedding setting. The vow is exchanged.

Priest: Do you Charles Ojo, take Doris Bamidele as your lawful wedded wife? To have and to cherish, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for riches and for poorer till death do you part?

Charles: I do

Priest: Do you Doris Bamidele, take Charles Ojo as your lawful wedded husband? To have and to cherish, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for riches and for poorer till death do you part?

Doris: I do

Priest: I hereby pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the Bride.

(New Couple exchange kisses)

Priest:  (Announces) I present to you, the latest Couple in town! Mr. and Mrs. Charles Ojo!!

(Applause and Cat cries from the congregation.  Everyone move to the reception arena.  The Party is on , dancing, drinking and merriment; couple dancing to music and people spraying money on them. Gifts items are being handed to the bestman and bride’s maid. Merriment continues till night.)

ACT 1: SCENE 2

(It is night; the couple retires to bed after having their bath. Husband sleeps with mouth wide open snoring aloud. Wife keeps mumbling incoherently. Husband turns back and forth, wakes and sits up; he wipes his mouth with the back of his palm, stares at the wife with surprise. Taps her awake gently.)

Charles: Sweet heart, please wake up (she mutters more incoherent words. He is baffled. He taps her more dense) sweet heart wake up!

(Doris wakes abruptly and fierce, she grabs her husband for protection)

Doris: Thief! Thief!! Where are they? (Visibly terrified)

Charles: Honey, take it easy, there is no cause for alarm. Please, there is no thief anywhere.

Doris: No thieves? Then, why did you hit me like that? (Rubbing her side)

Charles: I did not hit you sweet heart; I merely tapped you to wake up because you were talking in your dreams.

Doris: Ooh! Is that why you woke me? That is how I sleep o!

Charles: Do you mean you talk in your sleep? How am I supposed to sleep with you talking into my head?

Doris: You are talking, what about you that snore like a Hippo?

Charles: Who snores?

Doris: You of course! Oh! Don’t you know you snore? (Hisses) Your noise shake the whole building like there is going to be an earth quake!

Charles: (Laughing) common get out, it’s a lie, and how can my snore shake the building? Am I King Kong?

Doris: Before nko? (Laughing too)

Charles: It is alright, I agree I snore sometimes but to snore is better than your chanting incantations.

Doris: Who de chant incantation? Me? You are not serious o! Please lets’ go back to sleep joor! I am tired.

(Couple cuddles each other, pulls the duvet over as light fades)

ACT 1: SCENE 3

(Doris, in a night gown walks to and fro the kitchen and dining table setting breakfast. Husband appears, in office clothes, he is carrying a suitcase.)

Charles: Honey, how are you?

Doris: (Approaches for a hug and kiss) Fine sweetheart, hope you slept well?

Charles: I tried to.

Doris: What do you mean, you tried to?

Charles: You know nah (Begins to mumble words with eyes closed as if asleep)

Doris: Oh that? Well I couldn’t sleep at all because the building was vibrating from its foundation. (Mimics snoring husband)

Charles: Shut up joor! Please, serve my food, lest, I am late for work.

Doris: In a jiffy! (Dashes off and returns with the meal in a tray. Bread and tea. Places the tray on the dining table while Charles sits to eat)

Charles: Thanks Sweetheart. (Mutters a quick prayer and begins to gnaw at the bread while Doris sits close to watch. Charles takes a piece of bread and dips into the steaming hot cup of tea)

Doris: My Gawd! Charles! What are you doing?

Charles: (startles) what? What is it?

Doris: How could you be dipping bread into your cup of tea? You should know it is not proper.

Charles: (Relaxes, heaves a sigh of relief) Oh that? You scared me you know. Ehen?  Am I not inside my house? I can eat any how I like here!

Doris: No Sir! It is against table manners, you could forgetfully do same in public someday. What happens to “Charity begins at home?”

 Charles:  How can I…? (Stands up from the meal, goes for his briefcase) Oh! I am sorry, it won’t happen again.

Doris: (surprised, stands up) Honey! You are not eating again? Is it because of what I said?

Charles: I think I have lost my appetite! I am okay!

Doris: Hold on Honey! Please hold on!!

(Charles pauses)

Doris: Honey, please I am sorry, I never meant to upset you. Please, come and finish your food. (She holds his free hand and pulls him back to the dining table; he obliges reluctantly, sits and begins to pick at his food…till light fades)

ACT II:  SCENE 1

Office setting:  an open office containing six desks. Every staff is busy, computer key boards clicking, movements and discussion among colleagues etc. Charles peeps through the slightly opened- door; some one notices him and shouts “Here comes the groom!” Charles hurriedly closes the door and backs off. His colleagues chase after him and pulls him back into the office amidst laughter and compliments.

Charles: Thank you, thanks to you Guys! Thank you for all your support (Approaches   all of them with a bear hug.  Reaches out to Clara, pauses, pulls her closer and gives her a bear hug too. Someone clears his throat)

Charles:  Na you sabi o! Yusuf, can’t a brother hug a sister again?

Yusuf: You can of course! But not so close because anything can happen.

Clara: Yusuf na you sabi o! Nothing dey happen I beg.

(They all scamper to their seats as their boss Mr. Ayo walks in)

Mr. Ayo: (Looking tough as usual) what’s this pandemonium all about? (Sights Charles) oh! I see! Oko iyawo is back.

Charles: (Stands up abruptly) Yes sir! Good morning sir and I thank you for your entire support sir. I really appreciate sir!

Mr. Ayo:  Tah! (Waves it aside), and how was your honey moon? Hope you don score goal o?

(General laughter in the office)

Charles: Oga, I don’t know o! But time shall tell.

Mr. Ayo: Well, we shall soon know, abi no be so?

(All Chorus, Na sooooo! as Mr. Ayo exits the Office)

Yusuf: So, old Boy, how is married life so far?

Clara: Can’t you see how fat his cheeks are? Just two weeks into marriage o! Even his tummy is bulging already.

Charles: Na lie, I beg! Which tummy dey bulge?

Yusuf: It’s true o! You don de comot belle o!

Charles: (Addressing another Colleague) Patrick na true? I don de comot belle?

Patrick: Don’t mind them jare, you are okay. You are just refreshed, that’s all, (phone rings) whose phone is ringing?

Charles: Oh its mine! (Picks up his phone, stares at the screen and smiles)

Patrick: (Clears his throat) Na wa o! Love wantintin! I go vex go marry o!

Charles: (Motioning colleagues to be quiet) Hello sweetheart? (General laughter in the office, some cover their mouths to suppress laughter. The door opens; they all look towards the door as Mr. Ayo re-appears. They all feign seriousness as the day’s job begins)